The Iris Jumper
by TomiSama04
Summary: [Twoshot] [Songfic] Roger and Simon learn to deal with love and death. [RogerxSimon] [Iris Goo Goo Dolls] [Jumper Third Eye Blind.]
1. Iris

The Iris Jumper  
By Tomi Sama  
Chapter 1 of 2: Iris

Song: "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls  
Pairing: RogerxSimon  
Warning: Violence, Character death, slash.  
Disclaimer: I don't own. You don't sue.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm trying something new with this. So… Let me explain. Bold and italics means that it's the lyrics of the song. When it's in "quotations" a character is saying the lyrics and when it's in 'whatever these things are' it's a thought. If it's in neither, it's just something that relates.

---

"**_And I'd give up forever to touch you…"_**

He'd laughed. Simon had laughed when Roger pulled him aside and told him that. Simon rolled his eyes and waited for Roger to laugh too. It was a joke, right? There was no way… _no way_… Roger was serious.

But when Simon saw Roger blushing slightly, looking down with his arms crossed, he realized Roger wasn't kidding. This wasn't a joke. Jack wasn't going to jump out and throw stones at the insane kid, now that they knew how pretty he really thought the scary kid was.

"Why?" Simon asked.

Roger shrugged his stoic shoulders, **_"'Cause I know that you feel me somehow."_**

From then on, Roger and Simon had a bond. Simon brought Roger to the secret clearing he had, and he watched the other dark haired boy sit down, amazed by the find. The two of them would simply sit together; like a pre-teen boyfriend and girlfriend sitting next to each other on the bus, too blushy and shy to talk to each other, or hold hands, but both wanting too.

Roger watched Simon a lot. He watched how when they were at Assembly, Simon would sit and not talk, much like himself. He watched Simon help a smaller kid when he'd fallen.

'**_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.'_** Roger had thought.

When they were sitting together in the clearing a few days later, Simon said the first words the clearing had heard, "I wish we were back in Britain."

Roger was still watching Simon blushed softly, **_and "I don't want to go home right now."_**

Simon looked confused. "Why not?"

Roger moved closer, Simon looked scared, but when Roger put his hand on his shoulder, and pulled him closer, eventually pressing his lips quickly against the other boy's, he said, **_"All I can taste is this moment…"_**

Simon blushed, but Roger didn't stop, **_"And all I can breathe…"_** he inhaled, **_"…is your life."_**

Roger's hands, the hand that were turning into hunting hands, already starting to callous, ran over Simon's cheek. **_"And… sooner or later it's over."_**

Roger shrugged and pulled back to himself, hugging his legs. He looked away, slightly embarrassed. **_"I just don't want to miss you tonight…"_**

From there, things between the boys were better, even though their tribes started to split. Simon, with loyalty to Ralph, was often making huts; and Roger, with loyalty to Jack, was always hunting.

However, even as the battle started to brew the two secret lovers always met in their clearing to think, and sometimes talk.

Tonight they were talking.

They'd gotten a pig tonight, and Roger hadn't washed off the mask of black, red and white. Unable to hide the curiosity anymore, Simon spoke up. "Why do you wear that mask?"

_**And… "I don't want the world to see me."**_

"Why?"

"'_**Cause I don't think that they'd understand."**_

Roger stayed laying on his back through the questioning, answering the questions honestly and quickly. His hand played with his own stomach, as his eyes focused on Simon, although he was seeing the boy upside down.

Simon sighed. He was still confused by the quiet, developing sadistic boy. People just don't say things like that to other people… especially people like Roger. "Why are you telling me this? Why are you answering my questions? You never spoke in school, and you hardly even talk to Jack…"

Roger tilted his head to the side a little, trying to get a right-side-up view of Simon, but he would have to move to get that, so instead he just shrugged and looked up at the sky.

"_**When everything's made to be broken… I just want you to know who I am."**_

The tribes officially broke up. When Jack made his speech, asking who was going to join him and be hunters, Roger was the first to stand. Simon, who was sitting next him as always, looked away.

Roger walked over to Jack; both of them in savage get up from the hunt. Simon watched. Roger wasn't much shorter than Jack, and with them both in the savage stage, war paint on, with their little clothes, Simon could feel that he could never be Jack. He could never be what Jack was to Roger.

It confused him. If Roger was always jumping up whenever Jack demanded, why did he tell Simon he wanted to touch him? Was he changing his mind?

'**_You can't fight the tears that ain't coming.' _**Simon thought.

So when they got to the clearing that night Simon looked disappointed. He couldn't help it. Roger didn't start right off, apologizing. In fact, he was looking to Simon like _he_ was going to get the apology.

"Why did you go with Jack?" Simon asked quietly.

Roger hugged his legs tighter to him. "I like hunting."

"Do you like Jack?"

"'Course I like Jack."

Simon pushed his hair out of his face, sighing and looking down. "More than you like me?"

Roger looked confused, before surprised. "I don't like Jack like that. I don't like him like I like you."

Simon didn't believe him. He looked down, it was a lie. All a lie. "Have you kissed him?"

'**_Or the moment of truth in your lies.' _**Simon thought.

"No."

It was Simons turn to be surprised. "No?"

"No. We never kissed; me and Jack."

Simon, feeling his heart melt, leaned closer to Roger. Roger, knowing it was okay, put his hand on the back of Simon's head and pulled him closer. They kissed.

It was more advanced than either boy had done before. Sloppy, awkward tongues, with a lot of one of them closing when they should be opening; giggles turned to kisses and it was one of those **_when everything feels like the movies_** moments.

The happy moment was cut short by a rustling in the woods. When they split up, both of the boys had fear in their eyes, and Simon stood and ran. He only went just beyond the clearing, but neither Roger, nor the intruder knew that.

Jack was smiling, knife in hand. "What's going on, Roger?"

Roger shook his head, on his knees before his friend. Now that he thought about it, he could see why Simon was worried about it. With Roger on his knees before his Chief, what was one to think?

"You look dead." Jack continued, putting his hand on Roger's head. At first, it seemed the boy was petting him, but with a knife in the hand, it hardly seemed comforting.

"Here. I know what you need." Roger looked up and Jack winked. He dropped the knife before him and smiled. He wiped Roger's cheek, the boy himself was unaware he'd even been crying. **_"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive."_**

Jack turned and was walking out of the clearing with his hands on his head as Roger's fingers played with the knife. He'd done it often enough. Even in mainstream Britain, Jack caught him doing it with scissors. Roger's right hand picked up the knife and ran it along his arm, parallel with the ground. His shoulders and upper arms had scars from previous encounters with the blade.

Simon, horrified at Roger's actions, jumped back into the clearing and asked, "Why are you doing that?"

Roger's eyes, glazed slightly, tried to focus on Simon, before turning away.**_ "I don't want the world to see me."_**

"Roger!" Simon yelled, dropping to his knees, taking the knife from his lover.

"_**Cause… I don't think that they'd understand."**_

"Don't say it, Roger. You'll be fine." He started to wipe away the blood.

"_**When… Everything's made to be broken…"**_

Simon was crying now. "It's not broken. We're not broken. Please stop."

"**_I… Just want you to know..." _**He put his hand on Simon's shoulder. **_"…who I am."_**

Simon held Roger, and eventually the boy came down from his blood-high and held the other back. "I don't love Jack." He said, after a few minutes. "I only love you."

Simon buried his head into Roger's dirty chest. "I love you too, Roger."

But that was when the beast came. Samneric said they saw it. But Simon thought they were crazy. So he himself went up to see it. It was dark, and he only went because he was bored. Roger was hunting with the other hunters, and he didn't have time for Simon right now.

He hardly ever had time anymore.

Simon was etched with dirt, and he had blood on him from where branches and creepers seemed to jump out at him from no where. When he got to a body of water, he looked at his reflection and quoted Roger. **_"And I don't want the world to see me."_**

He finished his way up the mountain and saw "the beast." A parachute man. Simon felt bad from him and let him free, before running down to tell the hunters what it really was they were hunting. **_"Cause I don't think that they'd understand…"_**

"HUNTERS!" Jack roared. The hunters themselves cheered. Roger, at Jack's side, stayed still. His arms were crossed in front of him and his spear rested slightly in his hands. Ralph's stupid tribe showed. Jack was getting what he wanted, but Simon hadn't come with him.

Where was Simon?

"He said it…" he whispered to himself, closing his eyes. "He said I was wrong **_when_** I said, **_'everything's made to be broken'_**."

He should go find him.

"What's that?" Someone called, pointing to something running toward them along the beach. It was instinct for Roger, and he knew it had been for most of the other hunters, too.

The beast was going to attack them, but the hunters were going to attack first.

The beast was on the ground and the boys speared at its back. Stab after stab; stabbing the life away from it. Suddenly, Roger felt a hand on his ankle, and a weak voice say, "Roger." He looked down, for the first time; really looking with his own eyes, not his savage ones.

The boys all heard it, and they moved back, but it didn't matter. Roger knelt down and it was obvious Simon was going to die.

"**_I…"_** Simon let go of Roger. **_"… just want you to know who I am."_**

Simon was dead.

And Roger ran away.

He sat in the spot crying and punching the trees. How stupid. How could he have killed Simon! That wasn't fair! This isn't fair!

He had to leave and go back to his tribe, but he skipped hunting the next day, to go to their clearing. He laid in his spot, eyes closed, pretending Simon was still there with him. Jack somehow managed to get away from the rest of the tribe. He stood just outside the clearing and asked. "Why are you here?"

With his eyes still closed, Roger said, **_"I don't want the world to see me… 'cause I don't think that they'd understand."_**

Jack looked confused, but he stayed outside the sanctuary. Roger looked up to the sky with his eyes watering; he knew he was praying. **_"When everything's made to be broken… I just want you to know who I am."_**

"You just want them to know who you are?" Jack asked. He scoffed at Roger's foolish ness.

Roger, seriously, repeated. **_"I just want you to know who I am."_**

"You're Roger. Simon was nothing to you, so I don't see why you even care. You never talked to him and you were probably a real asshole to him, anyway. Everyone was. Simon was a nobody. He should be dead."

Roger closed his eyes, tears still streaming freely from them. **_"I just want you to know who I am."_** He chanted.

Jack got mad and stormed off. Roger let the tears stream silently as he wished Simon were here. He wanted someone to take away the pain. An idea came to him… Simon was dead, right?

So if Roger, too, was dead. Wouldn't that mean they'd be together?

Suddenly, he felt something on his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he saw Simon. He was clean, and pale with a soft glow to him; like a ghost.

"**_I just want you to know who I am."_** Simon said. "It's me… Simon. I came back for you… and if you do not ant to see me again, I would understand."

Roger sat up, forcing his lips into the other boy's, both of their cheeks glistening with tears."

_**I just want you to know who I am…**_


	2. Jumper

The Iris Jumper  
By Tomi Sama  
Chapter 2 of 2: Jumper

Song: "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind  
Pairing: RogerxSimon  
Warning: Violence, Character death, slash.  
Disclaimer: I don't own. You don't sue.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm trying something new with this. So… Let me explain. Bold and italics means that it's the lyrics of the song. When it's in "quotations" a character is saying the lyrics and when it's in 'whatever these things are' it's a thought. If it's in neither, it's just something that relates.

---

Roger sighed, leaning over a little. With the back of his dirty hand, he wiped away the tears that refused to stop. How long had it been? A few days? A few months? And still, the death of his friend haunted him like a ghost. He saw the quiet epileptic all the time. The boy would talk to him.

Simon would push his hair from his clean face, and smile and say, "How was the hunting today, Roger?"

The beautiful face of his angel, the body itself was naked to the waist, where he still wore the crude shorts. The boy was clean. He had to be cleaner now, in death, than he'd ever been on the island. But the cleanliness only emphasized the scars on the boy's pale back.

A constant reminder to Roger that he'd helped kill the person he loved.

Roger leaned more, looking down over the side. The cliff had stopped abruptly, and it cascaded straight down. The actual water was shallow there, Roger knew; and there were spikes. If hitting the water wasn't enough to kill him, the spikes would finish the job.

Roger inched his foot forward a little more. A few loose rocks tumbled down, hitting the side of the cliff before splashing in the water. Roger took the other hand, this time, and wiped his other cheek.

It was now or never.

"**_I wish you would step back from the ledge, my friend."_**

Roger spun around, knowing he'd heard it. It was real. It was Simon's voice. He was unsurprised to see the clean body, pale with a soft glow standing nonchalantly five yards from him. His hands were holding each other, placed in front of him. He was smiling, and the wind played with his out grown hair, black to match Roger's.

"What?" Roger whispered, still looking at Simon.

"**_You could…" _**Simon smiled and held out one of his hands. **_"…cut ties… to all the lies that you've been living in."_**

Roger frowned. The lies. Where did they start? Where did they end? The lies surrounding the two boys on the mountain were infinite. They weren't enemies. They'd been friends all along. More than friends, honestly. Which only started more lies. The two boys had lived with lies their whole lives… but Roger couldn't cut them. He just couldn't.

As if Simon had read his mind, he dropped his hand and took a step back, the smile falling as he looked down.

"**_And… if you do not want to see me again…"_** Simon looked up at Roger. **_"I would understand."_**

**_I would understand._**

Simon had always said that. When Roger would go off hunting with Jack, and come back to join Simon in his sanctuary; he would lay on his back, bloody and dirty, with the sharpened spear in his hand. Simon, even cleaner than the rest on the island, would be sitting upright with his legs folded. Roger would smile at how beautiful Simon looked, and how Simon's eyes beamed when Roger told him about the hunt.

But they always would die, as Simon grew worried. "If… If you want to be with Jack and not me… I-If you wanted to go there… and help him cook the pig… I would understand."

Roger walked forward a little, away from the ledge and to his dead lover. "Simon…"

But the dark haired boy just smiled, the way he always had when Roger showed a slight amount of humanity and emotion.

"**_The angry boy." _**Simon said, holding his hand out again. **_"… a bit too insane."_** Roger frowned. He hated the word insane, and he knew that's why Simon used it. Where Roger clearly was borderline insane, the title had always been given to the epileptic, and Roger had hated it when they called his love insane.

Simon stepped closer to Roger, smiling again. **_"Icing over a secret pain… you know you don't belong."_**

Roger turned back to the ledge and looked over. He felt Simon's hand on his shoulder, but he didn't face him. He didn't belong. He needed to jump. The only place he belonged was in the clearing, with Simon. He'd gone back to the clearing; the next morning he had, but it didn't matter. Sitting in the clearing, watching the butterflies dance as he laid in his spot on his back was nothing. It wasn't enjoyable without seeing the butterflies dancing around Simon.

But the second night, Simon had been there.

And Simon had been here ever sense.

"**_You're the first to fight,"_** Simon's voice shown with pride. Roger could never figure out why Roger fighting made his dark haired partner happy. Simon said something about how, "if they ever find out about us… you could fight them. You wouldn't take it lying down."

"They won't find out, Simon."

"I know."

"**_You're way too loud."_** The laughter in Simon's voice was present, and even Roger smiled slightly as he wiped his face again. Roger, although he hardly ever talked, use to make a hell of a racket when he was trampling through the forest to get to the clearing.

Roger felt Simon's hand leave his shoulder, and go around his middle, as he felt the shorter boy's stomach on his back. He felt Simon's fluffy hair on his bare shoulder, which was slicked with sweat.

Roger whispered. **_"You're the flash of light on the burial shroud."_**

Simon smiled and put his forehead on Roger's shoulder. **_"I know something's wrong…"_**

Roger tilted his head back, looking up at the setting sun, instead of down to the cliff. **_"Everyone I know has got a reason…"_**

Simon ran his hand over the workings of abs on Roger's juvenile stomach. **_"To say… 'put the past away'."_**

Roger looked back at his friend and asked, "What was your reason?"

He saw the hair move, and he saw the blue eyes poke out from his shoulder. "You…"

"That's why you're still here? That's why you're not in heaven?"

Simon rolled his eyes. "Who said there was a heaven?"

Roger was stunned. He always took Simon to be a religious person, even though he himself wasn't. He heard the other sigh. **_"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend."_**

The sadist looked over. Suicide seemed appropriate. And if he was dead, couldn't he truly be with Simon again?

"_**You could cut ties from all the lies that you've been living in."**_

Was Simon saying it would be better if they lived in two separate worlds? Did Simon want him to go and be a normal boy, even after everything that had happened?

"**_And… If you do not want to see me again, I would understand."_**

And again, it was with the: **_I would understand._**

Roger sighed. Simon never made sense. Jack had told him, _the Chief himself_, told Roger that nobody does something for nothing. Why was Simon telling Roger to keep living without him? Why was Simon telling Roger that living alone was a better choice than not living at all. Why would Simon ever think Roger wouldn't want to see him again?

_**Well…**_

**_He's on the table and he's gone to code._**

"What are you doing here?" Simon asked.

Roger knew he was talking about the ledge. He knew the other was talking about why was he thinking of jumping, but Roger had other answers.

_**And… "I do not think anyone knows what they are doing here."**_

Simon sighed. Roger could tell he was slightly annoyed with Roger not telling him. **_And… "Your friends have left, you've been dismissed."_**

Roger took the honest blow. Jack was still pissed at Ralph; pissed and in love with. The twins were involved with themselves and everyone had someone. And Roger was left alone and even quieter than he had been.

"**_I never thought it would come down to this."_** Simon said honestly. He stepped away from Roger, and turned and walked away. Roger turned with him, following instinctively a few feet from the edge.

Simon turned around quickly, looking slightly frustrated, with a soft pink blush appearing on his face as he looked down and said, **_"And I… I want you to know."_**

The sadist walked forward, putting his hands on Simon's shoulders. Simon stayed looking down for a few seconds, and when he looked up, Roger was surprised to see tears in his innocent eyes. **_"Everyone's got to face down the demons."_**

Roger pulled Simon closer, into a slightly awkward hug. Simon wrapped his arms around Roger's stomach again, and buried his head into his chest.

"Simon?"

A few more seconds of silence and Simon looked up again. Roger could feel the heat in his own cheeks now. He had to put the past away, but he had a feeling his way of doing so… would be different from Simon's.

"_**Maybe today we can put the past away…"**_

Simon's expression grew happy from Roger's words. Roger smiled back, happy to make his angel smile. Suddenly, while Simon was off guard, Roger broke free from their hug, and ran to the ledge. He heard Simon fall to his hands and knees, from the force of Roger's pulling away.

He was over the ledge before Simon could stop him.

He heard his angel scream, "No! Roger!" And he saw the dark hair and pale face look over the edge, on his hands and knees, as he plummeted to the bottom of the mountain.

Simon watched the body hit. Near hysterical, he laid on the edge, crossing his arms and burring his head into them. Sobbing didn't come close. Even bawling. He was sure, even as a spirit that only Roger could see, the other boys on the island must have heard the pained wailing.

Simon knew there was a heaven. He knew there was a hell, too, but Simon hadn't gone there. He died, but he had been a good boy. But even as he stood, accepted with open arms at the pearly gates, he had done what Roger had done.

"**_I wish you would step back from the ledge, my friend."_** Saint Peter had said, looking fearfully at the boy who stood on the edge of oblivion.

Simon wiped his tearstained cheeks with the back of his hand, and looked back at Peter, wondering why he shouldn't jump.

"Up here, it's different, Simon." He'd said, opening his arms. **_"You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in…"_**

Simon looked down. He watched, like it was a movie, as the boys he claimed to be his friends stood around him, finally realizing it had been Simon, and not the beast. He remembered seeing the look of pure horror on Roger's face.

In fact, he remembered as the boys all went off, pretending nothing had happened, Roger ran to their clearing. Not in the sacred clearing itself, but at a tree thirty yards from it, the living boy had propped himself against a tree and vomited.

"Simon. Simon." He said over and over again, like it was a chant. "Simon."

Simon had never seen the other cry until he watched him from the gates of heaven.

He watched Roger leave, to go back to the rest of the boys and sleep. Simon was still crying, and Peter put his hand on his shoulder. "He won't want to see you. He knows your dead and haunting him won't do either of you any good. Let him mourn…"

Simon closed his eyes and nodded. Peter smiled, taking a step back. He knew the boy would come around.

"**_And… if you do not want to see me again, I would understand."_** Simon repeated, like he'd said to Roger every time the boy would flap down in their clearing, dirty and bloody, and smile with pride. Simon would have given Roger up, if that's what he wanted… but this time. This once. Simon wasn't going to give Roger his choice.

He jumped.

_**I would understand.**_

Simon cried into his arms. He couldn't believe he failed at doing what he came here to do… to protect his lover; to make him stay alive.

Any time. He would have left anytime for Roger, and now he couldn't leave. He was trapped here.

_**I would understand.**_

Simon looked over the edge. He could see Roger's body floating face down, and a circle of blood spreading out from around him. He didn't take comfort in the thought his body would be eaten by fishes.

The ghost of the boy whispered to himself, **_"Could you put the past away?"_**

"_**I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend."**_

Simon turned around, shocked to hear the voice, but he was even more shocked by what he saw.

Roger stood, looking proud as ever, with his legs shoulder width apart, his arms folded in front of him and like the other boy; he was clean. His long hair had been pulled back into a pony tail at the base of his head. It was a short pony tail, just a tiny bit sticking out, but it was back off his face.

Simon, on his hands and knees, crawled toward Roger. The pale skin was glowing, like his, but Simon couldn't figure out how.

"You… You jumped too?"

"You said there was no heaven."

"How'd you get into heaven? Not only are you an evil bastard, you committed suicide. That's straight down." Simon said, still sitting at Roger's feet.

Roger smirked. "Oh, thank you. And by the way, when suicide's done for love, it's voided. Like Romeo and Juliet. They didn't go to hell."

Simon looked wide eyed up at Roger. The other smiled, and pulled Simon up by the armpits, and then he took his hand. He walked toward the ledge and looked down, grimacing slightly from the sight of his own dead body.

"Let's go home." Roger said, looking back at Simon. "Together."

Simon smiled a little, aware the tears were still streaming freely, and he nodded. Roger gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, and the two of them jumped together this time.

Although they didn't know what would happen to them, it didn't matter this time. This time they were together.

_**I would understand.**_


End file.
